What Is Matrescence?
Understanding matrescence can change the way that you see yourself within your motherhood experience.
Matrescence is the birth of a mother
The term Matrescence was first coined in 1973 by American anthropologist Dana Raphael to describe the changes a woman goes through in becoming a mother (she also created the term ‘doula’, which took off - yet matrescence at that time did not). It wasn’t until 2008 when Dr Aurelie Athan was researching early motherhood she found this body of work and expanded upon it.
Dr Athan found many new mothers coming into her clinic were struggling with their transition to motherhood, and could find little information on what she was seeing.
When she found the earlier work of Dana Raphael's, she knew that she had found something important.
‘Matrescence, like adolescence’
Adolescence is the transition from child to adult, and everyone understands what this means, what is involved and gives adolescents extra grace and understanding on how this can be a really tough phase of life.
Matrescence describes the transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother, and encompasses the changes a woman goes through at all levels – physical, hormonal, emotional, social, spiritual and cultural.
Our bodies change, our brains change, our identity changes, our role within the home and within society changes, the way people view us changes, our relationship to work changes, our values and beliefs change - there is so much change that is often not acknowledged when we become mothers. And when you’re going through it, it can feel like a lot.
The beauty of matrescence is that it describes the experience in a nonpathological way – i.e. there is nothing wrong with you, it is not all in your head, and you are going through something. It is completely normal to feel this way - like you have lost yourself in the process of becoming a mother.
By acknowledging that matrescence is an important transition that all mothers go through, it also acknowledges the importance of this period. It highlights the extra support and understanding that new mothers need.
We don't expect teenagers to have it all figured out straight away the moment a child turns 13, we give them years of support and understanding, guidance and encouragement as they navigate their way to their new, adult selves. So why do we expect mothers to be able to have it all figured out, almost straight away? Why isn't there more support available as they navigate this period of time?
The ripples of understanding are spreading
Word is slowly spreading as more people come to understand this term and what it means.
In May 2022, matrescence was recognised and added to the Cambridge Dictionary. They define it as '‘The process of becoming a mother: those physical, psychological and emotional changes you go through after the birth of your child’.
This dictionary definition only describes matrescence on an individual level - it doesn’t address the changes on societal level e.g. the cultural and social changes like how within the workplace how attitudes shift when women become mothers. They also acknowledge in their definition how it has been largely unexplored in the medical community – which is no surprise given how little support there is for new mothers.
The extent of support (generally) for mothers as it stands currently is the 6 week newborn check with your GP and follow-up child health appointments – which generally focus on how baby is feeding and developing with very little focus on the mother.
If a mum does express that she is having a hard time in these appointments, she is generally given a questionnaire to complete and is either referred to a psych or told to leave her baby to cry so she can get more sleep**. There is very little understanding in the wider medical community on supporting new mothers.
**A referral to a psych can be helpful, but can also be a barrier for many women who at their core know that what they are going through is not rooted in a psychological issue but don't know *quite* what it is - which is why knowing about matrescence is so important!
Society as a whole can oftentimes confuse a lack of support with actual psychological issues (which yes – are important and there is a genuine need for this but not for every mother). Think - "oh she's not coping very well, is she?" vs "oh, she's not getting very much support, is she?"
Also, for a new mother who is struggling, being told to leave your baby to cry is not helpful either as it doesn't address the core issue and is a symptom again of the lack of support available to new mothers, plus goes against biologically normal infant behaviour and is another example of us being told to ignore our maternal instincts.. BUT that is not this conversation as we still are as a whole grossly unsupported within our social structures and the it can often seem that this is the only answer to extreme sleep deprivation, which compounds everything and makes everything harder**
How understanding matrescence can help us embrace the changes
Becoming a mother can come with challenges that we can't expect, and that no-one warns us about. It can feel like we have lost our sense of self, and our whole identity changes. It can feel like we split in two and we can grieve our old selves and miss our old life – e.g. the freedoms we used to have, whilst simultaneously loving the shit out of our babies. No wonder we can feel like we are going a bit crazy.
Add in all the external pressures of advice coming at you from all angles and the “shoulds” which are often contradictory and go against our instinct, and we can feel like failures.
ALSO throw in that one in three women experience birth trauma and so many have our own unhealed traumas, which birth and motherhood can bring up, it can make it an even harder place from which to start our own motherhood journeys.
Entering motherhood after a difficult or traumatic birth, where our nervous system is in a constant state of survival mode, or we feel disconnected or let down by our bodies, or have difficulty boding with our baby (a common side effect of a difficult or traumatic birth), makes our matrescence experience so much harder.
Birth trauma is also something that is not widely understood within the medical system, and is also something women are left to struggle with alone (please reach out if this is is you - support is available!).
Words create worlds, and by naming matrescence it is an acknowledgement that this is actually thing, it gives us a whole new framework in which to view mums and motherhood. It becomes a beautiful permission to take some time to actually focus on ourselves and to re-evaluate what is important to us, what our values and beliefs are and what no longer serves us. It is an acknowledgement that we are supposed to change, to grow and expand as we grow into our motherhood role.
Changing as a person, particularly as we become mothers has been vilified for so long, that we can be made to feel like there is something wrong with us if we do so. Therefore understanding matrescence helps us to embrace the opportunity presented to deeply explore these changes.
This is why understanding matrescence is important, why we should all know about it, and why it is slowly gaining momentum. For too long women have been expected to fit into this ‘mans world’ – the patriarchal culture in which we live in, where mothers have been left unsupported and disempowered, so this is another piece of the puzzle for women to come back to themselves and empower themselves, and hopefully to feel free to raise our children in a way that feels aligned and empowered, in the hope that our children never have to know this struggle.
Feel like you need some support in your matrescence experience?
If you would like support as you navigate this transition, please reach out. I have supported brand new mothers through to mothers who have primary and high school aged children to explore deeply what motherhood means to them, to shed their ‘shoulds’, strengthen their boundaries and to parent unapologetically in a way that feels aligned for them.