Matrescence is a catalyst for growth

Matrescence can be a spiritual awakening and is often the catalyst to look inward and go deeper. To do ‘the work’ as such.

It can be the first time that we develop awareness around how powerful we actually are as creators of life and how we have been royally screwed by the systems that we live in for decades, and how powerless we are often made to feel within them. Think the way the maternity health care system is currently, the ever-increasing rate of birth trauma, and the complete lack of postnatal care that is available.

This should make you angry and more determined to make the world a better place for our children, and aside from burning the whole place down (still up for that, too) we think more about our parenting. To raise a child who is kind, empathetic and so certain in who they are as humans that they innately have such solid boundaries and are un-fuckwithable (well, that’s the aim, right?) will make the world a better place for the next generation. Easy, right?

Except parenting is a minefield and you will receive so many unsolicited opinions and judgement, particularly If you choose to parent in a way that is outside the accepted, mainstream ‘norm’. You can be judged so harshly so you either have to develop really rock-solid boundaries on who you associate with, or a really thick skin, or both. And to do that you have to really go inwards. To shed that fear of judgement, to examine your triggers and anxieties and to work on your boundaries.

Which is so incredibly difficult on 4 hours of broken sleep, a diet of toast and coffee, and limited support.

I was the bed-sharing, baby wearing, extended breastfeeding and cloth-nappying mum. This is not how I planned to parent, but as time went on it was what my intuition told me that was best for my baby, and worked best for us as a unit. I held boundaries with love instead of shame and punishment (still do). And I still now lie with my five year old as he goes to sleep. Some of my mothering choices were intentional but a lot of it was from living in survival mode.

I received so many comments and judgements from so many people, but I was willing to do the work. I grew the thick skin, I had to examine my triggers and heal those parts of myself, I learnt to surrender, I learnt to use my voice to advocate for my baby, and developed rock solid boundaries. I had to look really closely at my beliefs and my values - were they really mine, or was I just holding onto what I had been taught, without ever really giving it much thought? I got to examine, who am I really? What really matters to me? And make adjustments and changes, accordingly. And within that, I had to examine how was I treating myself through this process. Was I being kind to myself? What did my inner dialogue sound like? Was I treating myself with kindness and compassion, knowing that matrescence meant that I was changing too? And if not, could I try?

And was it easy? Hell no. And with each layer that we shed and each new level of understanding, if you don’t have people in your life that really ‘get’ it, you can feel isolated and alone all over again.

Was it worth it? Hell yes. Recently I had people judging me for choices I made in regards to my health and my career. I’ve had people make snarky or even nasty comments and am well aware that they’ve been talking about me behind my back, and I literally didn’t give a flying fuck. Because even though I did it for my kids, I am now so certain in who I am and what I am here to do, that I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Plus I get to model it for my boys, and as we know kids learn from what it modelled to them, not what they’re told. Do I still screw up with them? All the bloody time. But then I get to apologise to them, and they can see what it looks like, and learn from that, too.

And this is why I do what I do. Because it is so damn hard. But if we could all parent in a way that feels instinctive and aligned, without the fear of judgement and criticism, how much lighter, easier and natural would parenting feel? And how much would our kids benefit?